Set Fire to the Rain – Adele

This blog is dedicated to the song in the title as it came up on shuffle. As well it is a pretty damn good song.

Now its Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. It is awesome.

It is 3:33 am in the morning and like in my knittin corner post, alas I cannot sleep. Maybe it had to do with what happened today. I am not going to get into much detail but let’s just say I got metaphorically kicked in the face.

And from previous experiences, it hurts A LOT.

It is such a difficult thing to talk about. To be honest, I feel jumbled. All over the place. Unbalanced. No true sense of direction. For some reason, these feelings are particularly strong at this time of the year.

I read that somewhere…

I guess what I said last post. This time of the year is a time of reflection. Yes, I thought 2011 for me was brilliant. I had some tough obstacles to over come, but I am here. Breathing. Alive.

But silly old me has to over think everything.

It started right when I got back from my Dominican Trip. I said to myself “What am I going to do with myself?” Sure, I am in school for something. For the time being, I would like to say the social sciences, but stick around for changes. The current trend is to specialize in sociology and/or psychology and hope to get myself more acquainted with mental health.

This is basically why I am doing these blogs. Mental health has really affected not only my family but those around me, those who I really care about. And me. Sure, I know there are those who are suffering much more than myself, but I suffer none the less.

For example; today. Better yet, this week. I have been beating myself up, thinking that I am basically a pile of shit. That I am not good enough. That I don’t have the capabilities to do anything amazing with my life. I really wish I was exaggerating with my thoughts, but this is the truth. This feeling of… disappointment.

And please don’t get the wrong idea with my last post. I am extremely proud of those accomplishments and when I think about them, it is like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. But, like a day like that, the clouds come rolling back.

I am really trying to make the best of my situation. I am trying to save up for my return back to Trent. I am trying to develop skills I didn’t have before. I am trying to do more for myself, something I haven’t done before. But… I still feel like I am not doing enough.

I always raise the bar high for myself. I feel like I have to be extremely successful, perfect to be accepted by those around me. Failure never seems to be the option.

This is doing more harm than help.

Maybe this is why my crusade for mental health seems to be like a ray of sunshine. I do not want anyone else to feel like this. Like shit. Like that bar is raised too high. Like you cannot do anything and feel out-of-place.

Maybe this blog needs to change its direction. Rather than me ramble on about my life (interesting as it may be… nah, there’s more intriguing things to discuss) Maybe this blog can bring to life issues that have yet to be heard. Not necessarily research of my own, but I’ll do a bit of looking around and maybe talk about major issues that are coming up not only in Canada but in the world.  Cause who wants to discuss about mental health? Not many. Maybe this blog needs to reach out. Try and present issues about mental health. I wanna learn as much as I can and I want others around me to do the same. Cause I believe this is an issue that is under-rated. Not much is being done to talk about it, so I’ll be the awkward penguin, elephant in the room, that annoying pebble in the shoe or even that blister on your heel.

I’m pretty impressed with myself for that last bit.

See. When look at thing I write about with things like this, it makes sense. THIS is my ray of sunshine. There is gonna be more clouds, but there will be a sunny day forecasted. May take a freakin long ass time but it’s gonna be worth it.

So, to end, another post of Murphy. This little cutie pie had a rough day today… Not going into detail but he’s not impressed.

2011.

I have to start off this blog with Murphy. I simply adore this dog. 

Ok, back to business. 

One year down. Many more to come. 

Nope, I don’t believe that Mayan Prophecy. I have been reading many articles that have said that this is a mere cycle. Most agree that this prophecy has been contorted and basically, those who came from Europe interpreted their prophecy as “End of the World” rather than a reboot of the cycle. 

Or so I came to understand and will believe for this year. 

ANYWHO, Happy 2012. Just came back from an amazing trip to the Dominican Republic. I will write about that in another, very soon, post. But right now I just wanna talk about 2011. That lovely year we will leave behind and embark to the great year 2012. 

For me, 2011 was extremely interesting. It has huge ups and downs. I accomplished much and hope it continues on in the new year. What I like most about this time of the year is reflection. Looking back on one year and taking into account what has been done. This year is certainly no exception.

Accomplishment one. University. I finished my first year. What the past 12 years has had me preparing for were this one year and the next 4 – 7 years. Honestly… I don’t miss them. With my first year of University under my belt, it just makes me more excited for what is to come. I have gain confidence on so many levels and yet I know I have much more to achieve. Sure, I have no idea what I want to do with my life or where I want my education will take me but… It will come.

Hopefully. 

Accomplishment two. Katimavik. Yes. Even though I lasted just under 2 months, I have to say those were the best two months that I have had in such a long time. This experience was the first time that I was living on my own. I was on my own in a province I have never been to and living with 11 other people that I have never met. Still, I learned a lot about myself. This experience has also inspired me to do much more with my life. Do more travelling, more volunteer experiences, and more skill building opportunities. As well, British Colombia has captured my heart. I will be back there some day, just a matter of when. 

Allons-y!

Accomplishment three. Driving. Yes. I am just under 20 and I just received my G2 – or the license level that allows me to drive on my own. Yes, it took me a while longer than most my age. But yes I did. I did it, I did it, I DID IT. To me, this is what I am most proud of. Again, I love the support my parents have given me, and this includes the rides they have provided for me. Their comes a time in one’s life when riding with your parents to and from places is too similar to the scenes from soccer practice when one was 10. This accomplishment just makes me feel more like an adult. Makes me more independant. It is a large weight off my shoulders

So what’s in store for 2012? For me, its trying to accomplish more of the things while I am still at home. Kinda like a “At Home Bucket List.” For example: Horseback Riding Lessons, Solo Trip to somewhere in Canada, Decent Summer Job (Good Money for School) and so on and so on. 

So 2012, bring it. What’s the worse that can happen…