Hello once again world.
Weather today: one of those rainy days that doesn’t bother you what so ever. There are days of course where you are walking along and you feel the first spittings. Oh yes, those first little droplets cause you to freeze in your steps. You question if you actually felt it or what it just your imagination. Just when you think you’ve accepted the fact that you’ve gone crazy, spit turns into large downpour of rain.
Just when you accepted your inner crazy-ness.
But that was not me. Sure, it rained. The cool thing was that it was sunny as well. This is what has been generally accepted as “Sun Showers.” I enjoy these showers as it best of both worlds. The feeling of rain on your skin WHILE the sun is shining down on you. Call me weird but I find Sun Showers just the coolest.
I used to work at a Leadership camp and we had many ice breaker games that we would used to learn kids names. We would generally ask what their name is and, for example, what is their favorite color. Of course we would be a bit more creative in that department but you get the gist of it.
So, I have two favorite questions that I would ask or other counsellors would ask. One was “What is your favorite smell.” I have never been asked what is my favorite smell before this year! I have asked many kids that question and you would be surprised of the wide assortment of answers. My own answer would be “Tiger Balm.” You ask yourself “What the hell is Tigerbalm”
Well, my curious friend.
Tigerbalm is a lotion that one puts on their muscles if they are tight and need something to un-tighten them. Sort of like A535. Most popular spots to put them on my body would include: calves, shoulders, quads and oddly enough, anywhere with mosquito bites. It works wonders on them. Now, the smell is similar to Vicks, which is another lotion one would put on your chest when you are having a cold, so it may clear nasal passages.
It’s quite the “spicy, pungent”stench.
I like Tigerbalm not only for its magical ability to relax my tense muscles (especially after a long day of rugby) but whenever I get stressed out with life (which is 76% of the time) I would just take a whiff and it would seem that my whole body would loosen up, as though the smell itself is a relaxant.
The other popular question that would be asked, which was incredibly popular, would be: “Including the ability to fly, what superpower would you have?”. Again, wide variety of answer. MY ability would be the be able to increase the percentage of success with anything I do. Think about it, I could increase my chances of anything! Pass a test, being able to understand a subject so that I may pass the test (gets around not cheating) win a fight (if I were an actual superhero), win the lottery, not get sick, get the man of my dreams, best parking space, find the perfect outfit, succeed with new ability (guitar? saxophone? horseback riding? archery?) and many, many more!
I see this as a reflection of my personality. I have an inner demon that demands that I need to be the best at everything. This ranges from school, work, friendships, and even comparing myself to others. I have these demanding standards on myself that I don’t meet, then I am a loser.
It sucks balls to think like this. I don’t like to say that I am a perfectionist but I do have traits of one. If anything, I am a perfectionist of myself. I see that being able to be perfect at anything and everything as way to be accepted by those around me.
Cause being accepted is the way to go, right?
I am getting better at this, especially in relation to academics. I used to think that if I didn’t get that 80 on that paper then I would be shunned by my friends. You may think to yourself that is a really weird concept but for majority of my life but this is what I believed to be true. It has taken me 18 years to discover that friends don’t really care if you get the best mark or not. They don’t pester you like parents do. They don’t nag at that you got a 65 rather than that anticipated 80. They don’t belittle you as they believe that you are dumb. It took me a while but true friends don’t do that. Sure, if your grades take a DRASTIC turn for the worse than they are going make sure that your ok. For the most part, friends don’t shun imperfection. In fact, they welcome it.
I really appreciate the friendships I made this year at university. I went to a small-sized school in Peterborough: Trent. It was here that I have made some of the strongest connections with people. They accepted me for me and I couldn’t have asked for more. I felt like myself for the first time as they simply wanted what I had to give and nothing more.
At the same time, I don’t expect perfection out of my friends. That’s demanding A LOT. And I know that perfection is a pain in the ass to achieve and to maintain. But as it didn’t apply to them, It seemed to apply to me. I had the notion that if I had nothing wrong with me, then those around me would want to hang around me due to the fact that I had nothing wrong.
Funny how things work out like that.
What I am trying to say here is that I created double standards for myself, which in the end harmed me more than helped. I am not gonna lie and say that high school was a walk in the park. I was an outsider. Literally. I was trying so hard to fit in and my way to do that was through perfection. If your reading this and believe that perfection is the way to go, it’s not. I have learnt recently that being true to who you are and sticking to your “moral guns” is way more important. It has been tough, but it will be worth it in the end.
To end this post, I have a quote that I have discovered recently and have grown to like.
”Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss