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“Talkin to the moon, tryin to get to you. In hopes you’re on the other side, talkin to me too. Or, I’m a fool, who sits alone, talkin to the moon” – Bruno Mars “Talking to the Moon”

Lately I’ve been feeling really melancholy. Maybe its from the numerous essays and assignments? Or maybe I just feel a general sense of rejection. Under the weather… Alone.

Maybe it’s because I know what’s gonna happen…. I leave here and quite possibly never see anyone from here again.

And it frightens me.

Anyway, I was doing some evening spring cleaning when Iooked out and saw this! I couldn’t miss this opportunity! My only wish is that I could zoom in even closer but this is as close as I could get with my lense! Love the shot though!

I hope to show this one day to the grand babies. To show them the life of a university student in 2013. They would see a messy desk, Howard Shore on shuffle, textbooks and articles all over, procrastinating on an essay…

Yep – that’s my typical university experience. Their also probably gonna laugh at me for having such an outdated Apple computer and show all their friends their grandma’s prehistoric computer…

Oh goodness :S

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Playing with this new app called Repix and I’m enjoying it for the most part! I can definitely see myself using it more!

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Inspired by the Daily Post photo challenge, they prompted for a phone photo of myself and my pet, which in this case is this cute little guy. Here is my Murphy. Being away from, I miss this guy a lot – especially when it’s stressful at school with essays coming at you out of nowhere.

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/daily-prompt-menagerie/

Psychosis

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Love is a dammed psychosis – Maniac from “Flying”

He’s right. He’s so totally right. Love, attraction, lust and all of these things we do is mentally insane.

I get myself so immersed in my thoughts. I raise my expectations so high that I come crashing down so hard when it doesn’t work.

It makes “what goes up, must come down” quote seem like nothing.

So what do I do? If I do nothing then opportunities pass me by. But if I act too much I only get myself hurt. And it’s not like there are line ups of men at my door asking for my hand in marriage. My issue is that everyone around me makes it look so easy and yet it hasn’t happened to me. I feel like I’m missing an important part of the equation. I get so hard on myself for being this alone. I have actually come to the conclusion that I will feel the most satisfied is when I find that “special someone.”

But I also know that a person’s value is not determined by the association of another. I am very much confident in who I am and what I am capable of doing. And if someone wants to join my party of one then be my guest – the more the merrier.

Well… Let me be honest here. I am more confident in who I am NOW then maybe 5 years ago. I still have doubts but I’m much better than even a year ago. That idea of “you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else” comes to mind with this. To be honest I’m afraid to love myself. I don’t want to validate ideas of myself in a negative way so that I can avoid pain. I feel that if I had someone in my life, then who I am as a person can officially be accepted by not only myself but everyone else.

I… Just want someone to SEE me. Not as a daughter or as a best friend. As their other half.

I’m sorry if this comes across as a complainer. I often try avoid this kind of thing so I don’t burden people with sappy lonely stories. But it’s the truth.

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Let me end with this. The one thing I have noticed about myself is that I’m starting to like myself more and more in photos. I used to not like this particular photo but the more I look at it, the more I’m liking the girl in it. Sure she’s missing a tooth but she’s ok with that (actually, she whistles better than ever before). She’s sitting in a box of pillows and loving life. She’s pretty, funny, creative, intelligent with a pinch of smart ass and sarcasm. She loves photography, rugby, graphic comics, film, music, knitting, her family and dog. She wants to go to New Zealand. She’s on the everlasting pursuit of happiness.

And let’s not forget her IronMan sweater. It’s kinda a big deal.

But honestly, She’s gonna be ok. She knows deep down she will be.

In honor of today being St. Patrick’s, here’s an Irish themed post. Now, you’re probably wondering why are there Grackles. Well, a couple years ago I was on a family trip to Ireland and one night we stopped in Killarney,. We decided to walk along the streets one night and all along the roof tops were a HUGE murder of crows (that’s what you call a group of crows right?). Anyway, what makes this scary for me is that 2 weeks prior to this, I watched “The Birds” by Hitchcock. Lets just say that I now have a fear of large flocks of birds. Thank you Hitchcock.

Well I know that these aren’t crows but they seem a lot like them… Still scares me.

As well, I had the honor of kissing the Blarney stone. Apparently Churchill kissed it too.

Finally, I was able to take so many beautiful photos of the country side. It is such a beautiful country!

Anyway Happy St Patty’s day! Enjoy the green beer and joyous company!!!

Taken and edited at 2 o’clock this morning. I couldn’t sleep. Nasty, negative thoughts kept me up. I hate when this happens.

I lay awake. Sleep will not come, yet I crave a moment of earthly silence and a moment of peace. Constant nagging of the mind causes eyes to be awake and a soul troubled. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I was gonna be ok. Maybe I was lying to myself to avoid the pain, but in fact that just made it worse. An ignored injury will eventually be discovered and will then take longer to heal.

So much for sleep tonight.

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