Candy Canes and Rollercosters

Happy Holidays! Whatever you celebrate, whether it be: Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus and/or everything else in between, Have a good one!

Christmas is in the air and is being ventilated and breathed in by all the children at the school I volunteer at. I help out this one teacher with her classes and such. I really enjoy it. It must be because a HUGE number of my family members are/were teachers and I definitely have it in my blood. Not entirely sure it’s what I want to do with my life but I can do it if I wanted to.

Something happened to me today that really irked me, especially at this time of the year. We are at that time of year were good will towards all those around us should be exaggerated, highlighted and appreciated. This is the time of year were family and friends are appreciated and loved. This is a time of joy, happiness and love!

Cheesy, I know but I love this time of year! DON’T JUDGE ME! XD

So. At this school, the grade 8’s run a Candy-Cane-o-Grams. Meaning, they give out candy canes to raise money for the school. And we all know what happens here. There are a select few that receive a candy cane and all others feel left out and feel bad for themselves. The candy cane giver-outers were at the door and all the kids run to see to see if they got one. It was heart wrenching to see the disappointment of those who didn’t get one. As well, I overheard a conversation of two kids asking the other if they got one and hearing the let down of not getting one made my chest heavy and cold.

It just brings back memories of when I was in school. I rarely got one. Rarely. I was extremely tempted to buy one and send it to myself just to try to imitate the feeling one would get if someone got it for me.

I have always had issues of trying to feel included. Elementary school was ok cause… well… I dunno. Maybe cause I was with a select group of people for a long period of times.

But then again, Haven’t spoke to any of them in a LONG time. And I am REALLY ok with that.

High school was WORSE. I was the outsider. Literally. I lived outside where everyone else lived, even though I lived in town. It was hard trying to feel good about yourself when you are constantly reminded that you are in a constant campaign to be accepted by the “in-group.”

Things are better now, don’t get me wrong. Things get better in university, cause it’s a fresh start. I feel accepted with classes, rowing, clubs, and everything else in between. I don’t want to seem like “Wah, wah wa, My life sucks.”

No.

There were ups and downs and the downs really got to me, but the ups, as well, made me who I am. The whole reason why I am doing these blogs so that people who are going through a down can relate to this and see that they are not alone, that we can get through ups and downs together.

From one of my favorite songs comes my favorite lyric. From Kimya Dawson: “My rollercoaster has the biggest ups and downs, as long as it keeps going around its unbelievable.”

Thank you.

Any who. I just hope those kids realize that getting or not getting a candy cane doesn’t define how one is seen and accepted in a group. It is hard to perceive that now, but they will come to understand this. For me, It just sucks seeing kids go through something like this when you have gone through it yourself. You just know how they feel and, again, I wish no one ever has to feel that.

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