So this week… Oh boy! I am sorry that I haven’t been updating as much: this week was filled with new starts and such. Earlier this week, we did work tours and looked at the possible work sites for us volunteers to work at. The one I choose I am extremely happy with. I have been selected to work at a local barn/exhibition society. Basically, it’s a farm that hosts Vanderhoof’s annual Agricultural Fair – which looks amazing! I just did my second day of work today and I am loving it! I am basically outside from 8 till 3 doing manual work – its pretty sweet actually! I look up and BAM; mountain range or awesome view of a forest. I couldn’t ask for better, honestly!
With this topic in mind, I decided to pull out “Which animal best represents me” question for this post. I really feel that the Shire Horse, or any draft horse in fact, kinda represents who I am.
I am not a model sized girl. Oh hell no! And I don’t want to be! I am really happy with my muscular build (not when I am trying on clothes per-say) but really, when I am outside in my element and working my body, physically, that is when I am the most content. I get into this really…. I was going to say intense but it really isn’t. It is just this state of mind that I get myself into and I just don’t think: which is freakin fantastic. I always think too much and that gets me into big trouble for myself cause then I get hard on myself and when I do my world comes to a short sweet end.
Just like that.
So, by having my body do manual labour, for example, I don’t think. I just do. It makes me feel amazing! I know other people get their fix from other things like reading or yoga or baking, but for me its the feeling of challenging my physical strength and endurance.
As well, just like the Shire, it doesn’t complain. They just grit down and get the job done: no questions asked. (Even if they could speak I bet they wouldn’t complain)
And I see this as a major part of my life. Ever since I began playing on school teams I have always associated strength as one of the things I bring to the table in a sense of group dynamic. Basketball was iffy cause well… lets say it just wasn’t the right place for the right thing.
Same with volleyball, soccer, golf, swimming, hopscotch and everything else I could play with.
Along came grade 9 and rugby. If there is a deity, god or a spirit above, they created this for me. Rugby encouraged me to believe that strength in sports was a good thing, as though it was the first thing in my life that truly accepted me for me. To be honest, that was the first time I really did fit in, in life. I never quite got the other sports and they didn’t get me.
So we left it at that.
Rugby meant so much to me, and that inner Shire horse reared and bucked and whinnied with delight. I could go crazy and my team would support me. I was placed in the powerhouse position: Lock/Second Row. Basically, I pushed two girls in a scrum. And when you have another player beside you (your fellow lock) who was just as determined and Shire -like as yourself, oh boy, that scrum could have moved a mountain.
I was always hard on myself though. I wanted to be better than perfect when playing. Rugby meant the world to me, as I said earlier, as it was the first thing in my life that I felt truly accepted. Rugby has made who I am today. It has defined my inner-Shire. I have taken what I have learned from my rugby days into all aspects of my life: school, work, relations-ships, ect. Rugby has changed my life and will always have a special place in my life.
It is said to say to people that I have retired. I know it’s for the best but it always sucks to say it. I had a terrible accident in 2009 and I am still recovering / getting more surgeries for it. Basically got my teeth fucked up and I will need 3 fake teeth. I miss it. A lot. It is like trying to get over your first true love: you never really do but put on that fake smile and say that you have.
I lie every time when I say that I never will play again.
For the mean time, I have filled the void with rowing. This year, I joined Trent Rowing and it has done the same thing as rugby has done for me. I again feel accepted and welcomed for my strength and I have made friendships that will last eternities. I am a powerhouse and it comes quite handy when rowing – it challenges me in such a way rugby didn’t necessarily. At the same time, as much as I love to row, I miss rugby dearly. There is something satisfying about running and charging down the field and ready to plough down anyone in your path that is extremely satisfying.
I am the essence of the Shire horse. I am a person who knows how to control their strength and is prepared to go all out when needed, and as well when to use it at which moments. I am extremely satisfied when I use my strength to good use – I love that sense of tiredness that comes with it cause you know you worked hard. And that’s what I get when I work at this barn. I look at all the work that I have done and I go:
“Yup. That was me.”
It is the same feeling an artist has with a good painting, or a baker with their creation. I just love being strong and I don’t care that it is labelled as something “masculine.” I say screw to that label and I wish to redefine it. Women are just as strong as men and I feel that we should not be afraid to show our pipes, or where the beach is or even hand out tickets to the gun show. I am strong. I am woman. Hear me roar cause I do not quiet down anyone.
Phew. That was a good session. This posts quotes does not relate to physical strength, but more with a hardened will, which I think I possess with my realization of my own potential with my physical strength.
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. – Gandhi